Is Your Middle School Self Blocking You?

Welcome to my blog!

Welcome to my blog!

No, thank you. I won’t be joining that organization again. Competitive. Envious. Falsely superior.  Demeaning. From the outside, they appear independent, successful and self-assured. Upon closer inspection, their follow-the-leader approach to life is evident. Even as adults, they fear ostracism and crave approval. So, we have the self-appointed leaders and the men and women who are allowed in as long as they continue the adulation. Once the support person tires of that role, the leader will let them know they are worth nothing. Be gone! And take your poor excuse for a self with you!

Truth be told, as long as you’re involved in this type of relationship, you will never evolve into the adult you want to be.

Today’s blog post is for adults on the path of self-discovery and also for parents or care givers of children and adolescents who may experience these same issues which color their view of themselves and the world in which we live.

Many of us are stuck in the roles established in middle school years. We craved validation and security of the group. According to Rosalind Wiseman in Queen Bees & Wannabes (the book upon which the movie Mean Girls is based), we take on a role that gives us an identity within the group. These roles exist for girls and boys and many of us continue these same roles as men and women within the same group or in different groups. Have you grown out of your adolescent self?

If we want to find our authentic self, we cannot live in another person’s shadow. We cannot be limited by narrow roles. Our purpose is to be our best self, not a cheering squad for those in need of constant approval.

Let’s take a look at the roles identified by Rosalind Wiseman.

Men, do you recognize yourself here? The Leader, the Flunkie, the “Get Wit’s ” Groupie, the Thug?

Ladies, do you see yourself here? The Queen Bee, the Sidekick, the Banker, the Floater, the Torn Bystander, the Pleaser/ Wannabe/ Messenger or the Target?

For those of you who may not be familiar with the term, a “wannabe” is a slang expression for a person who “wants to be” but since he/she cannot be at the top of the heap, compensates by socializing with the “in crowd” and takes validity from this association.

While this book describes what goes on in middle school, we can clearly see these roles very often are carried throughout life. It takes a concerted effort on our parts to extricate from the past notion of self  in order to become our better, present self.

Ms. Wiseman’s book is directed to parents so they may help their children. Her advice is also relevant to adults who need a boost of self-esteem:

 For girls and women – Take pride in and accept your body image. Become aware of the many types of beauty. Focus on health rather than weight. Confront tormentors. Don’t reward negative behavior. Teach acceptance, awareness and respect. Build self-esteem.

For boys and men – Teach a code of conduct of self-esteem that does not allow bullying, teasing, hazing or humiliation. Learn to apologize. Do not protect abusers. Hold bullies accountable. There are no innocent bystanders to abuse. No excuses.

Please remember, one person and one experience at a time.

Let me know what you think. I’d love to hear from you.

© 2015 All rights reserved.



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Andrea Amodeo
    Sep 05, 2015 @ 08:39:55

    Did you write this blog?

    Sent from my iPhone




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